Sexual comments or inappropriate conduct should not be something you should find yourself getting used to. If you have been holding back your anger because you feel that you might be regarded as a prude, a social outcast or even lose your job, then it's time you toughened up and geared up for battle as experts tell you how to handle that extra friendly colleague without hurting yourself along the way.
The Supreme Court defines sexual harassment as any unwelcome sexually determined behaviour such as physical contact and advances, a demand or request for sexual favours, sexually coloured remarks, showing pornography or any other unwelcome physical, verbal or non-verbal conduct of a sexual nature. Sexual harassment is a manifestation of power relations and a form of gender discrimination.
As a result, women are much more likely to be sexually harassed than men. According to the International Labour Organisation (ILO), this is 'precisely because women lack power, are in more vulnerable and insecure positions, lack self-confidence, or have been socialised to suffer in silence.'
What does one do if the harassment is not overt?
The foremost thing to do in such a situation is to communicate clearly to the person that his behaviour is not appreciated and is unacceptable. As part of our conditioning, we as women are usually prone to ignoring a problem rather than confronting it, especially if it involves sexual advances. The first reaction almost always is, what will people say?
Take the case of 27-year-old Radhika Malhotra, an account planner in a multinational firm who thought that if she ignored the advances of a colleague, he would just back off. "I was scared of speaking up, because I felt that people would judge me and call me stuck up. Only when it started affecting my work did I go to my manager who made it clear to the person concerned that such behaviour in office was inexcusable."
Even then she ended up leaving the organisation as she could not handle the gossip. It's best to act immediately by being firm and threatening with consequences. If the warning does not deter the person, report him straight to HR. The Vishakha Guidelines for dealing with Sexual Harassment at workplace make it mandatory for all organisations to formulate a policy for dealing with cases of sexual harassment at the workplace. Remember sexual harassment is defined by its impact on the recipient and not the intent of the harasser.
What does one do if nobody takes you seriously?
In such situations, it is imperative that you start collecting evidence- documents, photographs, e-mails and notes. These will be useful when you decide to file a formal complaint. This may happen in situations where the accused is a valued employee. Thirty-two-year-old Saubhagya Verma, a senior research analyst, did just that when she knew that her case would not stand a chance as the person concerned was a valued employee.
"It is important to be un-sentimental about the issue," she says. For days on end she thought about committing suicide because she was convinced no one would believe her. "But then, I realised only I could fight my battle through and I collected all my evidence before filing my complaint. And guess what? He was fired," she laughs.
Is it all right to discuss your harassment with other colleagues?
It takes a tremendous amount of courage for any woman employee to muster the strength to complain about sexual harassment. Talking about it with a few trusted colleagues and friends does help. You may realise that you are not alone. It also helps generate a wider awareness of the issue and mobilise support for the complainant.
Yet, this maybe a double-edged sword as rallying one trusted person as a witness is all right, but talking about it with every person within earshot will turn you into office gossip, the results of which can be disastrous as it will involve mud-slinging and speculation about your character. Be professional and report it to HR. Refrain from discussing it with anyone but your closest colleagues.
What if you were friendly with the accused? Does that jeopardise your position?
Always remember that everyone's boundaries are different and unique. We might put up our personal barriers in certain situations and take them down in others, but both men and women need to develop better communication skills around sexual transgressions. Women, in particular, need to learn how to effectively communicate when their boundaries have been crossed and they are feeling uncomfortable.
What is most important is that individuals conduct themselves professionally in the workplace and do not confuse social etiquette with business etiquette. This means that we should not attempt any behaviour that we do not welcome ourselves. Even if your history with a colleague is personal, you should not fear reporting him if you feel he has crossed the line. Your case will be viewed objectively.
Confronting right
1 Do the unexpected, label what he has done and be specific about it.
2 Hold the person accountable for his actions. Don't make excuses for him and pretend it didn't really happen.
3 Stick to your own agenda. Don't respond to the accused's excuses or diversionary tactics.
4 Reinforce your statements with strong, body language. Maintain eye contact, keep your head up, shoulders back and adapt a strong, serious stance
